Author note: I made this while listening to Yorushika if you are into Japanese rock and want something to listen to while reading this.
“I don’t know where to start.”
Ayla took a short glance at the girl’s paper, frowning. “Because you know sides a, b, and c, you can solve this angle using the law of cosines,” Ayla said, pointing at the math problem. “Because that is a straight line, you subtract that by 180 degrees to get the angle here.”
The girl blinked, processing. Ayla waited. It was only a simple geometry problem. The girl tapped her fingers before suddenly saying, “Oh, thank you.” She put on a small smile. “You would be a good teacher when you grow up.”
“Thank you,” Ayla said before turning away and sighing. On her class introduction at the beginning of the school year, she told everyone she wanted to become a teacher when she grows up. Now she was the class’s tutor when people needed help. She did not mind it. In fact, she enjoyed being busy. Ayla even went to the way of trying to carry extra responsibilities for her teachers and her clubs.
It might be exhausting, but Ayla was okay with it as it helped her get closer to her dream. Her decision to become a teacher was an easy one. Her parents lectured Ayla about their work with passion. Ayla wanted to be like them.
Ayla found herself gazing back towards a particular table group across the classroom. In silence, a girl with black hair slouched her chest over her desk. The rest of her group mates ignored her presence as the girl’s face drooped downwards at the ground below, her eyes wide open. Ayla sighed. Zunera had not even barely made any movement for the past five minutes.
This was not the first time Ayla had seen Zunera like this, and that was if Zunera even attended class. Zunera hid away from Ayla at lunch. And when Ayla had the chance to talk to her, Zunera barely spoke, avoiding giving any answers. Of course, Zunera was an introvert, but the two were best friends since elementary school. Even this was not normal for Zunera. It was as if Zunera no longer cared for Ayla.
On the day before, Ayla finally decided it was enough, and it was time to make initiative. Next period was lunch. Ayla found herself busy at lunch last time and was unsuccessful for the rest of the day. However, because now today Zunera was free for the entire lunch period, it will not be so hard to locate Zunera’s hiding place. Ayla’s plan was simple: follow Zunera to find her secret spot. Confront her.
Then, Ayla would take Zunera of her obsession.
Ayla cursed herself. Why she had allowed this for so long? It has been two months, isn’t it? Maybe at first it could have been a phase that would just pass, but long ago it was so obvious Zunera was taking things too far. And Ayla was supposed to be Zunera’s closest friend. She was responsible for her. And she had done nothing about it the entire time. Was she too focused on her own goals? Was she being selfish?
“Sorry, I have another question.”
Ayla suddenly jerked up. Of course, it was the same girl again. “What do you need?” Ayla asked.
The girl pointed to the next problem. “What do I do here?”
Ayla looked at it restlessly. “It’s just the same thing. Don’t you see the pattern?”
“No.”
“Do you see the triangle and the angles here and there?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you use the law of cosines to solve this again. The difference is that you can use alternate exterior angles here to find the angle.”
The girl paused. Ayla waited. “Oh,” the girl said before turning away. Ayla still stared at her for a moment, however, dumbfounded. That girl had no problem-solving skills or something? It was literally the same question repeated but in different variations. Ayla kind of hoped she will get it after doing some practice problems. But that girl seems to never learn. Ayla sighed.
But Ayla had other things to worry about right now.
When class was dismissed, Ayla began to pack up her stuff quickly, but her eyes still fixed on Zunera. Zunera was fully awake again now, rising up from her desk and packing away her stuff like everyone else. Zunera hurried out to head out of the room. Ayla followed her, making sure to her eyes in range of Zunera.
As they venture out of the classroom and walk into the bustling hallways, Zunera walked steadily, her face faced straight forward. As the crowd dampened as they went outside, Ayla caught the warm spring air. She extended her distance from Zunera. Although it was supposed to be a high school, the campus was vast even for Ayla. Between the buildings, towering pine trees rose up into the sky where birds roosted. It made Ayla realized that she had not been outside as much since Zunera started spending less time with her.
Eventually, Ayla saw the other side of campus where the sidewalk ended and the trees and bushes took over. Afar, Ayla watched as Zunera’s figurine became swallowed into the thick surroundings. Ayla knew there was a metal fence behind the greenery. But didn’t Ayla checked this spot the other day? Apparently, she did not look hard enough. Or maybe Zunera had changed hiding spots. Either way, Ayla was going to bring an end to this.
Ayla approached the trees. Her eyes scanned the area. Beyond the tree trucks, massive ferns grew. Was Zunera behind them or something? She knew Zunera was here. Ayla slowly took a few steps, then stopped. Maybe Zunera tricked her.
Then she heard a crisp sound of a page turn. Ayla’s heart beat.
The source of Zunera’s recent obsession.
It had all started in a normal day at lunch.
"Hey Ayla," Zunera said with her quiet voice. "If you do not mind, I am going to eat lunch quickly. I have a good book I want to finish."
"Sure," Ayla responded.
At the beginning, it seemed to be a new interest in Zunera. Zunera spent more time into reading, and she smiled about it. But then things began to change. Every day that passed by, Ayla slowly noticed that Zunera began to spent less time with her. Then Zunera began to skip meals and classes. Before Ayla knew it, Zunera was avoiding her.
Two days ago, after school, Ayla found Zunera reading on a bench. She approached to her. "Hi, Zunera," Ayla said, "We have not talked in a while."
Zunera turned her head up to Ayla. She nodded but her face seemingly distant as if she did not see Ayla's face.
"Want to hang out?"
Zunera turned away. "Not really." Then she stood up. "I am currently busy" She walked away with the book in hand.
"When you think you will be free?" Ayla asked.
Zunera did not respond back.
Reading became Zunera's life, and anything else she left behind.
Ayla blinked her eyes back to the present. She swiftly turned to the sound, finding a thick bush. Ayla approached around it, making sure to stay clear of the green foliage. And that when she saw Zunera sitting on the ground. Zunera's face was already staring back at her, their eyes met. Then Zunera suddenly in surprise shifted herself, her hands behind her back. Of course, to hide her book. Her eyes opened wide.
"Greetings Ayla," Zunera said. In these days, her voice sounded thin.
"Don't lie to me," Ayla began, "There is something wrong with you for the past few weeks. Tell me what's up."
Zunera made a small smile. "I am fine. I have been happier with myself than ever."
Ayla rose her eyebrow. "But I had watched you in class today."
Zunera released her arms from her back, but still not revealing what is behind. Ayla waited, but Zunera again was silent. Ayla had little patience.
"We both know I am talking the books."
"And what's wrong with that?" Zunera said finally.
"It is okay if you are passionate about it, but you are obsessed with your books. Do I need to spell it out? You skip classes, you skip meals, and you barely talk to me, just to read. That's all you care about nowadays."
Zunera paused. Then she slowly nodded. "I know I haven't been spending so much time with you as we used to," she said, "I am sorry. But..." Zunera faced downwards. "This is important to me. I know how you feel, but..." Zunera paused again.
"Zunera, this obsession is unhealthy," Ayla said, "This has nothing to do with me, I am saying this for you as a friend. You need to stop. I don't care how, just take some walks outside, spend time with family, or something. Either way, take a break."
There was silence as the two stared at each other.
"So?" Ayla said hastily, "Did you get what I said?"
The wind bristled the tree branches. Ayla stood in anticipation, watching Zunera closing her eyes.
"Ayla," Zunera said in a sudden, firm voice. She opened her eyes. "I am not actually reading anything."
Zunera revealed what was behind her back. On one hand was a small green book. On the other hand was a pencil. She opened the book, revealing pages with countless handwritten words covering every line. The handwriting was much more messy than Zunera's usual style that Ayla had seen.
"I have been working on this for a month," Zunera said, "You are right. I am probably obsessed with it. But writing gives me peace. That is why I want to become a novelist when I grow up. I want to spend the rest of my life devoted to writing." She paused before making a smile.
Ayla stood frozen, still trying to process what Zunera had said. "Why you have not told me about this earlier?"
"I wanted to write alone. I didn't want to worry about what others might feel about it or how they might try to influence it." Zunera turned downwards again. "I should have probably told you earlier, though. I should have realized that you might worry about it."
Ayla was left unsure what to say. "Zunera?"
"Yea?"
"I am so sorry for pushing things, I didn't knew-"
"Nah, you were right. I was obsessed. Again, I am sorry for avoiding you and everything. I got so focused on writing about it, I trapped myself into a locked world. Thank you for worrying about me." Zunera closed her book, looking outwards to the school campus. "I mean, taking a break will be a good opportunity to find more fresh ideas too."
Ayla was relieved, seeing Zunera's old optimism again. "Do you want to eat lunch together?"
"Sure," Zunera pointed to a bench along a pathway. "Wanna eat there?"
"Okay."
But writing gives me peace. Even though Ayla had made the right decision, she still felt really stupid. Ayla had been so concentrated seeing Zunera being so gloomy that she had been totally ignorant of what occurring in Zunera's head! The entire time, Zunera had been fully content of what she was doing.
The two sat down on the bench, but Ayla still cannot stop thinking about it. I want to spend the rest of my life devoted to writing. The way Zunera had said it. She had really meant what she said. Ayla's passion to become a teacher seems so pale in comparison. Of course, it was she thought she wanted, but what did it make her actually feel? Was it actually something she wanted to spend the rest of the life being devoted to?
It made Ayla wonder if she knew what she was.
This is not my proudest work, but it is definitely one of my best writing experiences, as it taught me about myself and how I write. While revising this chapter, I also have learned a lot of my weaknesses. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter nevertheless.
This chapter is the prequel to Project Indigo Jam, a much longer story that is focused on the romantic relationship between Ayla and another lead character. The actual events of Project Indigo Jam takes place about several years later, when Ayla is out in work. Generally, I prefer to write older characters than myself. However, while writing it, it really gives me appreciation of writing younger characters because you can allow them to grow up and be their own person, and I think that is really cool.
So can you tell us more about Project Indigo Jam? Currently, it is deprecated due to issues with Ayla's character and other plot problems. Ayla's character in Project Indigo Jam is wildly different and more complicated from this prequel.
If you have reached this far, any feedback would be appreciated!
- thairanaru
This work by thairanaru is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International